God Rains the Resources that Liberate
It’s all too beautiful for me and so I am crying tears of gratitude and joy in my new little apartment in a liberatingly anonymous suburb. I’m thinking about being the same age as Anthony Bourdain and having taken the care to liberate myself from anything near suicidal depression. Sometimes I get a little lonely but I have worked through loneliness. There exists a photo of me lonely on a boat with my wife and alone in a crowded room. When I was in my twenties I used to leave clubs and parties without saying goodbye. Now if I get lonely I just cry a little and relax into God. I have very little compared to most middle-class citizens around me and I am very happy with what I do have.
Near Death Road Rage
I am really lucky to be alive. The other day I was driving behind a Geo Metro and suddenly recalled an almost forgotten near-death experience I had in an accident in Veronica’s Geo Metro on the 210 Freeway twenty years ago. I was in a road rage with an Armenian and he cut me off, almost murdering me. I had been trying to sell the now totaled Metro for $4,000 and a week later Mercury Insurance Co. sent me a check for $5,000! People are being really nice to me in my new life and I am literally bawling tears of joy and happiness that I am no longer living in my van in King Harbor and showering at the Bay Cub.
I and the father are one. I am embarrassed at myself for not taking all that was offered to me yesterday. My benevolent fraternity has given me the resources to financially liberate myself. I am ashamed that I doubted God for one minute or one day. I am so lucky to be alive and living this great California lifestyle. I freely accept all that life has to offer today. I am a receiver of God.
Camper Van Beethoven
By the grace of God I am no longer living in my ubiquitous white mini-van. I was living in my converted 2016 Town & Country by choice so that I could study Kundalini yoga and live at the beach in LA. Now I am back in a single apartment in a leafy green suburb. Whenever I don’t know what to do I stop and relax into God consciousness. I have to remember that. Yesterday I muttered profanity under my breath when I put myself into needless anxiety at the gas station. Everything is okay now. I have a million problems but everything is really okay. I am being rewarded for having the patience of Job so I need to just really chill out and shut up in my beautiful life. I’m lucky I don’t just drop dead of a heart attack because I am so jacked up all the time!
My Second Heart Procedure
One month ago I had my second serious heart attack and 911’d to St. Agnes Medical Center in Fresno, California and this is the very first time I have blogged about it. Dr. Sohn installed two stents in my heart on a beautiful Sunday morning. I could have died again. What an incredible cardiac lab they have at St. Agnes. Mary Ann the manager of the motel I was staying at even came down from Coarsegold to pick me up from the hospital. She said she knew her way around St. Agnes because her ex-husband was treated there after his heart attack. Next week I will find a doctor near my new residence. I need to find a new doctor to look after my heart.
Minor Kundalini Breakdown
I need to start my sadhana again after yoga burnout from Kundalini class, I knew that would happen. I am having a minor emotional breakdown right now. I have a house full of new appliances and furnishings. After I get all my new things put away I will get out my yoga mat. I have a lot to do and I was feeling very overwhelmed when I started crying at how beautiful God is and sat down to write this blog . . .