While walking out of the studio late after teaching his 9 am class, Russell Brand’s scam artist yoga teacher Guru Singh woke me right up out of my shavasana to misinform me that I was in the pregnancy yoga studio. Dev Avtar was sitting right there waiting for Guru Guitar to leave so she could teach the next class of Kundalini Yoga and Meditation. All Guru Singh cares about is hustling $500-an-hour private in-home yoga lessons to his celebrity clients.
A dozen or so women were also sitting around waiting and chatting on their yoga mats. Not a single baby bump, fetus belly or obvious need for pregnancy yoga to be seen. Guru Singh was merely flexing his spiritual ego and making an example out of me as the token white male. And I’m not even 100% Caucasian. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. At Yoga West the only time men are allowed in yoga class is if they are movie stars or big time comedians. It doesn’t have to be funny to make you laugh.
The entire yoga studio was waiting as usual for Guru Bully Boy Singh to exit stage right so we could do some yoga. There goes Guru Grumpy Ass, lugging his guitar case, groaning and complaining about white males and patriarchy, running over into the next class as usual with his Beverly Hills talent show yoga. Dev Avtar even spoke up and informed Guru Singer that this was not pregnancy yoga. Does she get in trouble for correcting the bad guru?
The kids in Guru Singh’s class put on a great show but it’s a morning yoga class in a busy yoga studio. If you can’t be out of the studio on time, don’t project your inadequacies upon me while I am sleeping in shavasana. After Guru Anger was long gone, the front desk clerk came scurrying in to inform me that I was indeed in the correct studio. I laid back down and tried to get some rest before my second class of the morning at the Yoga West Actor’s Studio.
Guru Singh never apologized or mentioned the incident ever again. He just plays to the pregnancy yoga choir and the little girls eat up the hatred this charlatan dishes out. The entire five months that I was at Yoga West I was petrified that Adarsh or Dya or someone was going to walk up and forcefully eject me for some arbitrarily designated or misperceived slight. I really just wanted to learn some technical aspects of yoga and was disappointed to find out how much time was spent on male bashing and pregnancy yoga.
Guru Singh and his male devotees ludicrously pontificate that they have resigned from the white male club and are holier than thou. This pregnancy yoga flim flam man has benefited from being a white male and tries to deny it. Guru Singh Khalsa is a heinous confidence artist. The Aquarian Teacher is a guidebook for creating artificial conflict based upon the useless duality of patriarchy/matriarchy, the battle of the sexes, us against them. How does the Aquarian Teacher divide and conquer? Pregnancy yoga. What a lot of bullshit.
Yoga West is not a good value for your yoga dollar. Kundalini teachers don’t ever correct students. There are potential health and safety issues surrounding the fact that Kundalini yoga teachers never correct but they summarily execute. The purpose of this blog is to inform the yoga consumer of the inadequacies of Kundalini as taught by Guru Singh Khalsa at Yoga West. Keep looking because you can do better.
Kundlini Kaur Kirpans
Guru Singh gleefully told me that the Kundalini Kaur Kirpans were going to come after me. I thought he was joking, I really did. I still have a hard time believing that Dya Kaur acted so violently. During my KYTT exercise partner interaction with Dya Kaur Libby Hudson Lydecker I told her that it was easy for me to see her as myself. Dya never said anything to my face. No one at Yoga West ever said anything to me. I was totally denied due process. It was the Twilight Zone and I was Franz Kafka. Kundalini is cosmic man-woman warfare.
Yoga Needs a Safe Harbor From #Me Too
Guru Singh proffers bromides about how many more female goddess there are than male gods in Hinduism. Yoga West made me feel like I was being held accountable for the sins both of Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein. (Can’t I atone for just one of these repugnant violators?). I don’t have any position of power to abuse and I am not really that into women anymore.
The Strudel Goes Off
Guru Singh tells a story about being on the subway in Paris and seeing graffiti for “The Struggle Goes On” misspelled as “The Strudel Goes On.” How does he know it was a misspelling? Maybe it really was a strudel advertisement. The struggle goes on and the fucking strudel comes off but what the hell does that have to do with me paying Guru Bullshit and Yoga West for Kundalini yoga lessons? I came to Yoga West and paid good money for yoga but Guru Singh never delivered. Did this creepy little man with a long beard and funny hat just want to name drop that he was gallivanting around the world spending my money? I demand a refund!
Redundant vs. Oxymoron
Then a few days later Guru Singh was talking about love. In order to prove his point he used the analogy of a drop of water in the ocean.
Guru: If I am a drop of water and I am standing in the ocean and I say: “I’m in ocean.” What is that?
Dean: An oxymoron?
Guru: No, an oxymoron is a dumb cow.
Dean: A redundancy?
Guru Singh never did say exactly what rhetorical device his drop of water analogy employed. He never answered his own question. Was it an oxymoron or a metaphor? Guru Woo Woo must have been in a hurry to get to his private lessons with Russel Brand.
PregnancyYoga | What is the Correct Answer?
In my opinion Guru Singh was wrong but he never said anything about it again. Pregnancy Yoga could be broadly construed as an oxymoron because all yoga classes are dominated by women. More women than men take yoga and so more yoga practitioners are familiar with pregnancy than not. Ergo every kundalini class is pregnancy yoga. Oxymoron generally means contradiction in terms:
An oxymoron is a rhetorical device that uses an ostensible self-contradiction to illustrate a rhetorical point or to reveal a paradox. A more general meaning of “contradiction in terms” (not necessarily for rhetoric effect) is recorded by the OED for 1902..
Did That Contradiction Really Happen?
The whole five months I was practicing Kundalini at Yoga West I erroneously assumed someone would come to me and say that there had been a mistake regarding my status regarding Level 1 Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training. But they never did.
Yogi Bhajan said teachers are not supposed to judge a student or they will be reincarnated as as a cockroach. Kundalini teachers are not supposed to correct a student either way, good or bad. Kundalini teachers are supposed to sit up on the dais and teach yoga.
All my life people like Guru Singh and Dya Kaur have been trying to gratify their ego needs by telling me that my turbine is on too tight and that I am in the wrong place, or saying the wrong thing, or I that am too early or too loud. Are Guru Singh and Dya Kaur trying to tell you that your turbine is spinning too fast in the wrong direction?
When people start complaining about your turbine, know that it has absolutely nothing to do with your actual turbine. When people are complaining about you they are projecting some unhealed part of themselves onto you. Guru Singh is not healed or qualified to be doing what he is advertising.
Pregnancy Yoga West is a Trap
There needs to be more complaints and negative reviews about Guru Singh because he is a very mediocre yoga teacher considering he is in the big league Los Angeles-Santa Monica pregnancy yoga market. In my lifetime of studying yogic thinkers and teachers I wondered why I had never heard of Yogi Bhajan and Guru Singh. I had never heard of Yoga West because it is not worth hearing about.