Kundalini Guru, Inc.
When The Celebrity Swami Is Away, The Devotees Will Play
Yesterday at Yoga West, absentee Guru Singh’s usually full class only had six people in attendance and half of them were Kundalini Yoga Teacher students there to get their attendance signed-off for their KYT Certification. Los Angeles guru worshipers can check the schedule online, most don’t attend practice with substitute Yoga West teachers, and on this date the sub was Dya Kaur, therefore, no celebrity swami, no packed house. That’s where you will find me, sitting in my meditative space in the empty yoga studio trying to get a little peace and quiet.
APT PUPIL: Let all the mediocre minds clamor for the main man’s time. I always go for the second stringers because I know from experience that only the number three or four person at any organization could possibly have the ridiculous amounts of free quality time necessary to gratify my incessant wants, self-centered needs and infantile demands.
If a similar Kundalini meditation workout is given by two different yoga teachers then why can one attract a mat-to-mat full house of Yoga West students and the other only a handful out of that same demographic? Because one is a rock star with a closer lineage to Yogi Bhajan and the other is still carving out her career in the dog-eat-dog world of Kundalini, Inc. People pay plenty for pop star Yogi’s on Melrose Ave. and Roberson Blvd.
Fans, friends and followers in Beverly Hills will line up around the block for an international celebrity guru. You may even get Madonna or Russell Brand to show up for a few classes and then you will be on the Hollywood star map circuit on display for red double decker busloads of tourists. Write a book, build a great website with live streaming, hack out a search engine optimized, 300 word, WordPress blog everyday, crank out a few music CD’s and you are practically guaranteed a career in the guru biz. Everybody else is getting filthy rich doing it so why not U2? Gotta sing, gotta dance!
The Kundalini Research Institute reminds me of Scientology the way they hyper market their programs with expensive courses to take you up the Bridge to clear in order to tell you it is another $300,000 to workshop your way up to Operating Thetan. You could spend a lot of money on Level I & II Training, assorted workshops, holiday celebrations, concerts, kirtans, and of course the Kundalini Women’s Retreat.
All of Kundalini, Inc. is already a virtual women’s retreat, with gentlemen grudgingly permitted to submissively attend a few classes. In order to work up their trendy fake fear the little hostiles break out their symbolic swords for a blood lust, full-on, no-men-allowed, women’s yoga retreat where the kriyas probably involve ritual sword play with men on the receiving end of a Sikh dagger. If you want to save time and energy simply take a short-cut to satori and surf my Kundalini Express Blog.
The root of the word guru is gur. Gur means format or technique for spiritual development and holds that if the student is ready enough he doesn’t even need a goddamned spiritual teacher. Even Yogi Bhajan himself said that there are no more gurus and so he condensed the best spiritual technology in the universe into a human being operator’s manual entitled: The Aquarian Teacher, Level I Instructor Textbook. The AT textbook is a brief yet detailed, practical meditation how-to instruction guide which states that the only purpose of having a Guru outside yourself is to realize the Guru within yourself, at page 57. The only guru you will ever need is already inside you, try Shabd Guru Om: