Revenge of the Skinny Little Bitch

Simply sitting poolside naked as a skinny little bottom is the best revenge.  I am no longer a practicing bisexual now that I am comfortable with my own body.  A few years ago Astrid tipped me over the edge and into being a passive, receiving homosexual.  I am much happier this way.  Being a total bottom is much easier for me than the extra work of being bisexual.  I have nothing left to give to women.  I am really happy that Astrid Howe turned me totally gay.  Half measures avail us nothing.   

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When I was young I lived life as a fluid bisexual.  I was married to a woman for a goodly amount of years and I really love women.  But when I was in my forties I was fortunate to meet women who really told it like it is.  Astrid told me that she and her friends would never go out with me because of my body size.  I am 5′-7″ and only weigh 145 lbs.  Astrid is a whale.  My body style appeals more to big gay men than big straight women.   The only women that I really have good physical relationships with are petites and waifs.  Only tiny women get me.   The last woman I was with in 2007 was a wispy little eighty pound waif in Chicago.  I am really good with midget women. 

Astrid Howe Turned Me Totally Gay

Big bicep L.A. women like Astrid Howe are quick to tell me that my androgynous body does not sexually excite them, even before the subject comes up organically. I have never hit on Astrid, we were just friends.  I am kind of sort of offended that she would even think of us like that.  She knew I was bisexual and married to God from day one.  I don’t initiate contact with any woman or man.  Even my wife initiated contact with me.  In L.A. women walk right up to me and sexually reject me.  I have been a practicing bisexual since the age of fourteen.  My gay foundation was there and so I spent the last ten years learning how to enjoy receiving anal intercourse.  Astrid would have made a great gay man the way she likes to dress up, role play, and take control.  

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Astrid Healed My Pathetic Need to Find a Savior 

We had a purely platonic relationship.  I was privileged to have several friendships with women at this stage of my life that really helped me to open up my eyes and see who I was.  I am not a big-time AA speaker.  Astrid saved me from becoming a celebrity AA speaker.  Instead of becoming a leader in AA I took care of my future.  I developed my inner life.  I worked on my pathetic career.  I got into my sobriety and drifted away from AA and went deeper and deeper into God consciousness recovery.  Astrid was the one of the first people I ever met who used the term “Christ Consciousness”.  She also helped me to finally burn out on being women-dependent.  She liberated me because my intimate relationships with six foot tall men are so much more gratifying than women.  Astrid taught me how to get the body chemistry right.  The top has to be bigger than the bottom.  

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Glad to Be the Total Bottom

Now that I am older and everyone else is fat I am glad to be the skinny gay total bottom.  It took me a while.  I have a vivid and eternal memory of a girl in middle school telling me how skinny I was.  I would love to see that girl today, she is probably fat and waddling by now.  I would take my revenge by posing butt naked and making her rage with jealousy at my smooth skinny gay body.  I am a total exhibitionist. 

Maybe today I will have some old geezers at the 4th of July Pool Party take some artistic revenge photographs of me while I am pool side.  I will discretely show off my skinny 61 year old body and post some appropriate photographs on the web.  Maybe not.  Be very careful about what photographs you post of yourself online.  Once a few years ago I posted a link to this blog on Astrid’s Facebook page and she deleted her entire fucking Facebook account!

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Now I Am Free

Thank God I have been liberated from my emotional and physical dependencies upon women. When I was married I was constantly undersexed and it had a negative impact upon all aspects of my life.  One of the main reasons I agreed to a marriage contract is because I wanted to stop chasing after women, settle down and be productive.  I agreed to only be with one woman and she agreed to have sex with me.  Like a lot of women, my wife didn’t like sex with anyone and so she reneged on the deal.  My wife started withholding sex as a marital power play.  When I was young older men would try to tell me about the sexual limitations of marriage but I refused to listen to their sage advice.  Gay is the best revenge.  

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Gay Sex Education

My qualifications to teach gay sex education are that I have spent a lot of time studying sexuality both formally and informally.  As an undergraduate at CSUN I took a class in sexuality.  I lived for two years with gay certified sexological bodyworker Dr. Paul Allen, OB/GYN. Dr. Allen taught me a lot.  I have also studied CD’s made by women to teach men sexual intimacy.  The most important skill as a lover is to be completely present.

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Gay Spiritual Education 

Your spiritual development is much more important than anything that you do in this material world.  By tuning in spiritually my sexuality has been tuned up.  Tantric masturbation becomes spiritual.  Sometimes when you become spiritually refined, hell is other people.  I love and appreciate my gay tribe but the intensity and drama of the social scene really take a lot out of me.  I am thankful that I have a gay community and I am equally thankful that I have my own apartment all to myself. Doing gay spiritual healing work requires a lot of alone time to rejuvenate. 

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Taking the time to invest in myself spiritually has really paid off.  I am calmer and quieter on and off my yoga mat.  I don’t freak out nearly as much anymore.  Mostly I prefer to be with myself sexually and spiritually these days . . .   

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