Scared Celibate by an Angel Tantrika
After a mere three weeks as a sexually active gay total bottom this beautiful angel Psalm Isadora reached out from beyond the grave. Her suicide scared me right back into a celibate lifestyle when I heard about it. She killed herself last year but I just now found it Googling tantra in LA. My senior lifestyle is now once again about hatha yoga, contemplation and meditation. She was a tantric sex guru who was killed by an emotional disease not a physical one.
I am not celibate because of gay diseases like HIV or bacterial meningitis. I am celibate because of the gay emotional diseases of sexual addiction and degradation. I am chaste because I don’t want tantric sex to have dominion over me like it did Psalm Isadora. When I gaze at Psalm I see myself. I am celibate because I don’t want to end up a suicide like tantric sex guru Psalm Isadora. Thank you beautiful angel for being the small still voice inside of me.
Psalm Isadora was such a charismatic presence that she is teaching tantra from beyond the grave but what good is sacred sexuality without the sacred aspect of the equation? Truly spiritual people teaching sacred sexuality do not take their own lives like Psalm did. There is nothing sacred or sexy about suicide.
When practicing tantra always make sure that you are firmly grounded in God. Eastern nihilism can be a dangerous materialistic playground. I know because I had a mild emotional breakdown in Godless Kundalini class earlier this year. Teachers like Psalm Isadora, Guru Singh and Sat Devbir are really mostly in it for the money. I know because I want to carve out my own career as a tantric guru just like Psalm Isadora or Yogi Bhajan.
Psalm Isadore studied with an authentic tantra master in India and she had stellar tantric credentials. She was a real initiated-tantrika and a self-proclaimed Goddess but now I see her as ultimately Godless. Psalm taught me how to love myself and she did a lot of real healing work in a broken world. When Psalm Isadora committed suicide at the age of 42 the out pouring of testimonials from people that she helped were spectacular. Psalm Isadora was an incredibly productive tantric healer and teacher of sacred sexuality but she could not heal herself. Suicide is evidence of a lack of God because suicide is an error in spiritual law. It never ends as easy as taking your life. The only way out is to ride out all of your material manifestations until you just get quiet and relax into God consciousness.
Tantra and Kundalini are Goddess oriented. One day while chanting in kundalini yoga class I started crying because it all felt so Godless. Kundalini and Tantra both talk about Goddess endlessly. My problem with tantra is that it is ultimately Godless. I made it to the age of 61 years because The Infinite Way is my path.
Underneath all of my tantric sexual technical skills is a spiritual foundation rooted in meditation. Without meditating God consciousness tantra can be a dangerously seductive and dark place. The life of Pslam Isadore is testament of what an happen when the healer is not fully healed. A little bit of metaphysical power is seductive. Psalm Isadore healed her root addictions but she obviously didn’t go the whole healing distance. She had a great business model. I wish I could be listed in her sacred sexuality coach directory. This girl was a total winner with her business model.
The most important thing about sacred sexuality is the sacred aspect of the concept. Don’t forget the God. God keeps my sex life clean. My sacred sexuality is separate from my social life. The times in my professional life that were devoted primarily to sexuality were not that rewarding for me. Working as a professional sex worker is difficult work. Psalm Isadora is a good wake-up call for me. I don’t want my message, my work and my teachings to take me into the Godless sexual darkness that overtook Psalm. Psalm and I are both wounded healers.