Sad Tony

Tony the Traveler 

One day successful Hollywood film director Tony Scott, brother of iconic film director Ridley Scot, executed a cinematic suicide by scaling a thirty foot chain link fence and jumping off the Vincent Thomas Bridge in San Pedro, CA.  Sometimes it gets difficult being a manufactured ego machine and you need to be the pure and simple soul that you really are deep inside.  It is important to be connected to who you really are. 

tony bourdain

When I was a young musician & filmmaker I had a broken ego and was a miserable and pretentious fake.  I probably still am a bit of a journalistic poser but I am happy now because I am old and I don’t give a fuck anymore.  But when I was  young I always had something to prove and so when people saw me coming, they would run and hide as they exclaimed to each other, “Oh no, here comes Sad Dean.”   I had no inner life when I was younger. I was like an emotional vampire sucking the life out of everyone and everything around me.  It is important to have an inner life so that you don’t just jump up and hang yourself in an exotic location like international food show host Tony Bourdain.  Oh no, here comes Sad Tony . . . 

sad tony bourdain

No Cable

Thanks in small part to Tony Bourdain I have decided not to have cable installed at my new apartment.  I don’t want to pay to watch commercials on CNN.  I don’t want to pay for Anthony Bourdain’s vulgar commentary, I will write my own personal essays.

I don’t want W. Kamau Bell’s white washed treatment of the violent Sikh religion, I will investigate and report the facts on my own. I don’t want mainstream media polluting my consciousness like another addictive drug. 

YouTube Premium

I will pay for unlimited Internet on my iPhone and iPad and $10.00 per month for YouTube Premium.  I  don’t want to feel obligated to have the big screen TV on all the time to justify the huge expense of cable.  I will stay connected to God with Joel S. Goldsmith and spiritual music on YouTube Premium with no commercials.

SANITY | Becoming Whole

The universe is perfect, all I have to do is be quiet and relax into the perfection of universal consciousness.  I no longer need anything from anyone and I think I can finally stop running around trying to find somebody to love. I can stop trying to force somebody to love me so that I can feel okay about myself. Now I can just love my idiosyncratic self. 

Learning Curve

When I was in college my best friend John Weindorf used to always say: “Bit by bit we all become whole.  One little bit at a time, we become whole.”  Those words have been playing in my head for forty years now.  I have been to so many gurus, shamen and con artists that they are difficult for me to keep up with.

Energy Healer

John Weindorf and I used to be influenced by a metaphysical healer named Joel Wallach, who scored the one and only film I ever produced.  Joel wrote and recorded film and television music in his home studio in 1981.  Joel used to give dharma talks and now he sells energy portal plates.  

Negative Creeps

Now that I am old I can filter out the people who are not right for me.  Now that I am an old geezer I don’t need as much social interaction as I used to.  These days I only need to talk to people a little bit and then I fell socially gratified and ready for the seclusion of home.

This is what I do on Sunday . . .