FRANZ KAFKA’S POOL PARTY: Waking Up a Boiling Homosexual Frog in a Jacuzzi

The Parable of the Boiling Homosexual Frog of Cathedral City, California

I woke up like a boiling homosexual frog in a Palm Springs jacuzzi when I smelled something ripe and foul. The offending demon¬†was a gay body modification devotee with softball-sized testicles throwing his Halloween underwear on me. John Herriott with his revolting fungus infected toenails hanging like rags was about to enter the hot tub. Just then I looked down into the pool at Paul Schneiderman in pseudo-sexual satisfaction and pleasure at having another man’s foot in his mouth. Homosexual life often resembles a Hieronymous Bosch painting.¬†

Being at these gay nude pool parties used to only make me feel lonely for women and now queer life makes me sad and depressed. I am revolted at my own promiscuous behavior with total strangers. I felt like a boiling homosexual frog in that jacuzzi. I used to think gay depravity was amusing but now I think most of gay life is disgusting. I’m going back to the Catholic Church. Seriously, I’m sick of this gay shit and am going to become a volunteer Catholic lay minister. I will drive around this desert spreading the Holy Spirit. 

paul schneiderman baja mexico

My Evolution

First I started out by masturbating at age twelve with my best friend Kenny Reddick. Then I let Joey Parrish suck my cock when I was fourteen and it became a regular thing. Joey would bring me to sexual climax and I would never reciprocate. I was an authentic bisexual and was not really attracted to pudgy swishy Joey Parrish. I was making out with girls at that age and getting ready to have my first heterosexual experiences. As an award winning narcissist I have always just used gay men for immediate gratification of all of my sexual, financial and emotional needs. I prefer women and consider homosexuality a substitute. Gay has always beenPlan B for Bisexual” for me. 

When I was seventeen a bisexual twenty five year-old Mexican dishwasher picked me up when I was hitchhiking home from Cal State Northridge. He treated me really nice and made exquisite love to me and wanted to take me out and have a relationship with me. It was so tempting to let this attentive lover help me turn totally gay but I tearfully declined and sobbed: “I want to go out with girls.” That was a major crossroads in my life. That was when I became an authentic bisexual. I know it is sexually selfish but I will let gay men do things to my body that I will not do to them. The last really masculine man I was living with in Palm Springs got mad and kicked me out because I would let him eat me and fuck me all day and night but I would not rim him and couldn’t get into fucking him. I have very rigid sexual roles for myself. I don’t fuck men and I don’t eat other men. With men I am a girl and with women I am a man. 

boiling homosexual frog paul schneiderman

Education of the boiling homosexual Frog

Gay is learned behavior. It takes a long time to learn how to be a successful homosexual. I just spent the last five years conning myself into believing I was gay. I even told my Dad I was gay three years before he passed. What a joke. I cringe in embarrassment. 

paul schneiderman

Boiling Homosexual Frog Epiphany

Now over forty years later at age fifty-nine I am turning away from totally gay life. I prefer to self-identify as a heterocentric pansexual. I am in love with everyone. I don’t need sex they way totally gay men do. I don’t want to be a boiling homosexual frog I want to be a celibate man of God in the desert.

The bad news is that the parable of the boiling homosexual frog is based upon a false premise. Science projects can easily prove that the frog will jump out of the gradually heating pot of water, try it yourself at home! The purpose of this article is to wake myself up into a state of mindfulness about my spiritual sexual practices. The point is for me to return to sacred sexuality.

You do not become like the people you hang out with you already are exactly the same as whoever you are with. Work. Play. Party. Jacuzzi. You are exactly what you are doing right here right now. I am exactly who I am and where I am sitting. My consciousness is who I am. I am a man of God engaging in sacred communion with you and I will be delivering this communion to you in personal pansexual Christ consciousness white tantra kundalini yoga sacred service if you so desire. Don’t wait to turn into a frog, find out what it is all about for yourself. 

paul schneiderman boiling homosexual frog pool party

By Dean McAdams

Born a poor peckerwood in a Tujunga holler, Dean overeducated himself beyond his social station to end up a retired paralegal in the coastal paradise of West L.A.