Life Will Be Vastly Different When I Finally Move From West Covina to . . . Covina

West Covina people are invading my privacy and so I am moving to Covina where people are so much different than all of that. Sam Padilla and Hillside Bible Baptist Church are knocking my door down at the Woodside Village Apartment Homes in West Covina. Sam must be a Kirby Vacuum Cleaner Salesman because people who look just like him are trying to sell me a big expensive vacuum cleaner for my inexpensive little studio apartment.

Invasion of Privacy | The Bible Beating Vacuum Cleaner Salesman Upstairs

Other clean cut sales people who look just like Sam Padilla keep knocking on my door with the same question: “If you were to die today are you 100% sure you will go to heaven?” I told them all yes I am 100% certain. A little girl and a teen-aged boy asked me and I said yes the kingdom of heaven is within and I am already there. They don’t listen they just want to get you to go to their church. I have lived in this Woodside apartment home for one year and now I no longer answer the door. Yesterday the doorbell rang and I looked out the window to see who it was. There stood my upstairs neighbor Sam Padilla with another religious tract from Hillside Bible Baptist Church in his hand. For the first time since I have lived here I did not open the door. Sam left his religious tract on my doorstep. Now I have a collection of religious materials from Hillside Bible Beating Baptist Church. It’s okay to joke about the Bible just don’t every talk smack about the Holy Spirit.

woodside west covina

Nobody Loves Me Except for the Police and They’re Probably Just Being Professional

It is disrespectful and an invasion of privacy to harass your neighbors multiple times like Sam is doing. I answered the questions they asked in the affirmative. Hillside Bible Baptist Church just didn’t like my answers. They just want to make be look and act exactly like them. My neighbors would want me to stop sleeping naked and spend more time staring at my cell phone if they could. I can’t take it anymore so I am moving to a luxury senior independent living apartment in an exclusive 33 acre gated compound patrolled by private security guards armed with tasers and guns.

Nobody loves me at Woodside Village except for Morris the security guard and he’s probably just jiving me too.

Woodside Village Idiot

This is only the third or fourth time in my life I have ever had to live in an apartment. Thank God I spent most of my life living in big houses with big yards and big dogs. I am grateful to have an apartment roof over my head because it is raining outside right now. However rubbing shoulders with the great unwashed masses can be problematic for a refined and sophisticated artiste such as myself. I am high strung like a thoroughbred animal raised to be clever but not calm by my adopted Hollywood Jewish family. Life will be much better when I hang out with Covina people instead of these West Covina vacuum cleaner salesmen.