Decoy operation and new security cameras | Politics

David Doan Decoy Operation

This charming little plaster bird was sitting on my workout path this morning. The Red Hat Lodge is on serious pandemic lockdown and so this must belong to either an employee or a resident. Or is this perhaps just one more undercover decoy operation by Chief Doan and the Diplomats in the Ambassador Program? I almost tripped over this little bird in the five a.m. darkness and it gave me quite a sudden start, thank you.

*Who owns this little decoy down below the MCYF House?*

Does the Red Hat Lodge Room use celebrity Brethren as decoys? HELL YES!

Some critics would argue that the Red Had Lodge uses some of our more famous members for advertising and promotional purposes in order to attract new members into joining. A large original oil painting of Bro. Abraham Lincoln in his famous red stove pipe hat hangs above the entrance to the Red Hat Lodge, for example. Also on display at the Lodge is a rare photograph of Bro. Nikola Tesla generating free electricity from the Earth’s magnetic field using his legendary giant red Tesla coil. Of course the Red Hat Lodge uses our rocket scientists as promotional tools. How else can the Red Hat Lodge Room attract new suckers if we don’t name drop our famous Brethren?

red hat lodge decoy operation — *What famous Red Hat Lodge Brother am I?*

Updated Red Hat Lodge Video Surveillance

The Red Hat Lodge has updated our video security camera system so that we can monitor and protect both our residents and our employees via mobile device application.

Here is the new camera pointing directly into my apartment

Recently residents have been complaining that the licensed dieticians delivering morning coffee leave the hot beverage outside of the Brethren’s apartments without knocking upon the door to signal arrival. Here at the Red Hat we like our coffee red hot. If you are one of the many red hot, red hat employees reading this, please notify each resident when you are leaving hot food and drink outside of their apartments in the morning. If coffee sits outside too long it gets cold. The Lodge would rather not go to the expense of installing Ring doorbell cameras on each and every apartment to solve this little problem. Clever little creepers creeping inside when you want to, placing my new food on top of my outgoing trash. Please get your act together before we contract out the food service along with the contract gardeners. The only gardeners we can get to work at the Lodge are contract gardeners from Green Climate, Inc. Now that Proposition 22 has passed the Brethren are considering contracting out everything: Maintenance, dietary, as well as gardening. At the very least I should probably write a blog on the subject of contracting out all services at the Red Hat Lodge Room. Thank you in advance for your professional courtesy and cooperation regarding this matter.

We keep the street lights on in broad daylight because we spare no expense here at the Red Hat Lodge

We’re Sorry But Your 2020 Gratuity Has Been Pre-Allocated to Camera Upgrades

Did you need more bad news this year? The Brethren got together and decided that instead of giving our employees a holiday bonus in 2020, we will give them more and more new video cameras instead. Employees can download video from these cameras to their mobile phones to create great selfies, Snap Chat and Tik Tok videos using the David Doan Decoy Operation App! So look up and smile when you say: Happy Holidays 2020!