How Do You Tell the Most Influential Person You Know That You Just Moved Back to Westchester But You Cannot See Him?
Sitting in my camper van on Liberator Avenue at the north runway of LAX, I can almost see Dr. Paul Allen’s rented duplex sitting directly underneath the flight path. The headlights of the incoming jumbo jets are lined up seven deep. Dr. Allen and I used to marvel at the night time light show of aviation headlights when we were driving around the neighborhood together a few short years ago.
Voluntarily Celibate | VOLCEL
Now I have just returned to the same streets to take Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training Level 0. However most of the people I have met in the last ten years are gay, so I would rather be alone until I make new friends. It is refreshing just being back in the city full of people. Living in the gay desert of Palm Springs burned me out on homosexuality and made me voluntarily celibate. I’m sick of myself and everyone I know and so now I am feeling the need for something entirely new. I could really use a nice place to stage my re-entry but I am painfully avoiding my ex-lover Dr. Paul “Shrek” Allen, Retired Gynecologist. I am living frugally on my IRA’s until stage three of my glorious retirement kicks in.
My mentor and my obstetrician Dr. Paul Allen, MD is the core energy of my new aversion to gay life. On the 4th of July he made an extremely brief appearance at my personal residence. He didn’t even mention that when he entered 200 Racket Club Road into his iPhone for his tryst with Danny Wellchance, my address came up. I sent him my address earlier in the week when he told me that he was coming to the desert. The good doctor just blew in with Danny and the trash floating around at the edge of easy street.
Now I am sitting in Dr. Allen’s most favored restaurant to expense in Playa del Rey. I’ve been back in Playa for a week and I have intentionally not contacted the good doctor. I don’t want to see or talk to any men who want sex from me. It’s just me, I want something different for my life now. The same adventurousness of the scatalogical Dr. Paul Allen that makes him more interesting than most men, now renders the same man revolting and disgusting A disease vector to be avoided. Some men stay stuck in their fucked up sexual energy their whole lives. I found a way out of my own emotional disease with a monthly unlimited pass for death defying Kundalini yoga.
PAUL ALLEN: Doctor of the Gay Lower Chakras
SUMMER 2011: While Josie Kramer the laughing yogini was teaching me ujayi breathing in Culver City, Dr. Allen was obtaining his sexological bodyworker certification with Dr. Joseph Kramer in Australia. Dr. Allen returned home to our tiny single apartment with his teaching assistant Jane the redhead (not her real name) and they gave me the condensed version of the curriculum. It can all be summed up by the final project: Group Masturbation. The thesis project for a sexological bodyworker certification is the same as the central component of homosexual behavior, group masturbation. Being the standout in a circle jerk will take you far in life, just look at me!
The best part of gay life was meeting Dr. Paul Allen. Too much of “gay” life is a shameless glorification of the lower chakras. Perhaps I have received my certification in aberrant or alternative sexual behavior and can be done with all of that now. Each and every Kundalini yoga class ends with singing the song “Long Time Sun”. I want sunlight and brightness in my life now. I don’t want bars or sexual personalities in my consciousness, that’s why I’ve chosen to buy into the Kundalini lifestyle. You have to be somewhere so I’m going to be at Yoga West.
August 20, 2018 Update
Yoga West was a God shot to cure me of spending money on kundalini yoga classes. Now I get all of my yoga on YouTube Premium. Yoga West is not a good value for the money. Guru Singh is a politician and yoga teacher by default. Guru Singh is a yogi because his parents were yogi’s.