1. Time is Ego
Time is not a tool that will treat your alcoholic ego or mine. Or mine. Are you only capturing 60% of every minute or is someone trying to distort your perception of reality? You live in California so you know which enlightened recovery products you should purchase, right? Be the first one on your block to get the new “Shake-and-Bake” INSTANT AA MESSIAH APPLICATION, now with new patented easy click and drag ego insertion feature. It’s so easy even a forty year-old can do it! SPECIAL BONUS: Includes Step 14 long form for gays! Don’t waste time with all that “woo woo” new age spirituality mumbo jumbo. Forget the messy hassle of doing real work on your infantile ego and character defects. This instant messiah ego insertion application provides your recovery with real science, not just a bunch of AA losers talking about God.
2. Instant Messiah Application
a. Never Become an Expert Unless You Are Being Paid by an Attorney to Read a Script in Court: By over-engaging the ego and becoming an AA Instant Messiah, I stop growing and learning because I think I have arrived somewhere. Ha! There is nothing to know and nowhere to go. Expert is a legal word that means you have been legally admitted to testify on behalf of third parties in a court of law. You are not an expert.
b. Use Beginners Mind to Find the Answers: In the beginners mind the possibilities are infinite. In the expert’s mind the possibilities are few. Avoid becoming an instant messiah and AA know-it-all. Look at me I don’t even talk in meetings. I have twelve years of sobriety and I have probably only spoken ten times in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. c. Stay Open Minded: Arson investigators think that everything is arson because they are trained to investigate for arson. Sometimes an arson investigator can be proven wrong if a fire investigator checks his work and discovers a non-arson cause. d. education, Education, EDUCATION: Fire investigators are not blinded by arson expertise. Fire investigators are fire-minded and arson investigators are arson-minded. Fire investigators find electrical fires, cigarette fires and sometimes arson fires. Arson investigators usually only find arson fires. Be careful what you are looking for because you will eventually find it so make sure you know what the hell you are looking for. In recovery from alcoholism and in all spiritual practice it is always best to remain an absolute beginner. Let your higher power make your goddamned decisions.
3. You Can’t Buy Your Way Into Sobriety
You can’t buy your way to enlightenment like some needy little emotional vampire desperately clinging to man whose breath is in his nostrils. I know because I tried it for years. The only way out of your misery is to fully embrace it, eat it kiss it love it, and then vomit it all out until you are empty. Then fill yourself back up with God. That’s what I did.