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Emotional Self-Flagellation

Recovery from the Disappointment of the Kundalini Kult Kreated by Yogi Bhajan

EMOTIONAL RECOVERY begins in solitude. Kundalini Yoga classes become ridiculous after fifteen minutes of sitting on your yoga mat listening to someone dressed up in a costume talk about astrology, parenting and women’s rights.  Sikh chanting is really difficult to become comfortable with and chanting made me sad that I was wasting my time with Guru Fruitcake Singh when I could have been meditating Christ consciousness.  Chanting is not yoga, there is no astrology in the kundalini yoga of Saraswati and Sivananda does not wear a turban.  Yogi Bhajan learned yoga from Saraswati and Sivananda, among others.  Chanting is borrowed from the Sikh (pronounced sick) religion.  Kundalini yoga as hybridized by Yogi Bhajan should be called the Kundalini-Sikh Religion, not Kundalini Yoga. 

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Emotional Recovery From Self-Talking

At this time my focus is on emotional recovery from acting out while completely sober.  I used to think my intentions in being a colorful and entertaining personality were because I used to play guitar and write movie scripts with my college film making partner Jon Weindorf.   When I was 19 years old John was the most interesting person I had ever met and I began speaking in educational parables and metaphors like he did.  Maybe my raconteurship was entertaining at age 27 but at some point it is not compatible with professionalism.  But then my brain pan became corroded after frying my mixed metaphors in alcohol.  Emotional recovery from audible public self-talking became necessary.

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When I would babble around the corporate legal office attorney James G. once called me a whack-job.  I thought he meant it was because I did shoddy paralegal work.  Mr. G. really meant that I talked too much. When his wife and kids would stop by and say hello, Mr. G. would always say, “Dean, don’t say anything.” A few months ago when I was working out at the Bay Club in Manhattan Beach there was a guy who talked too much named Mikey.  In the locker room they called him “Mikey whack-job.”  I stared talking a lot less after I heard that.

Fuck this goddamned gay desert, Ahm goin’ ta Yoga West fer some Kundalini Weenies!

Gay Bathhouse Recovery

My upward spiral began in the Spring of 2016 when Spirit intuited to me that if I went to the Helios homosexual bathhouse there was something there for me.  The message was only slightly ominous and mostly benign. It was a subtle oxymoron.  Of course there would be something there for me no matter what the value judgment or critical analysis would have been.  I never went to Helios or any bathhouse that day or any other.  A few months later Helios became a drug and alcohol rehab.

Love Recovery

When I first moved to Palm Springs in 2007 I found a sexual mentor/travel agent on named Jack Young.  Hanging out on Arenas Street Jack gave me an invaluable homosexual education. It takes a long time to learn how to be gay.  It can be very stressful living a bisexual lifestyle.  Jack had huge ugly heart surgery scars on his chest.  Jack’s scars were old school nooks and crannies that you just don’t see today.  Jack lived in gay bath houses, I was thirty years younger but couldn’t keep up with him.  I like older freaks that nobody else wants to hang out with.  I told myself that I would never go into a gay bath house with heart attack scars on my chest.  Now I have really small neat & tidy looking heart surgery scars on my chest.  I should have just said that I would never have heart disease.  I NO LONGER HAVE HEART DISEASE. 

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Happiness is Never Enough

Could yoga be improved if there were a new safe harbor in yoga classes for non-violent men with a life-long yoga practice?  If you simply want to use yoga to feel good with the girls, yoga can do that for you.  You don’t even have to practice the correct method of yoga breathing, in fact most people do not.  If you just want to use yoga as floor exercise then it will definitely make your body feel good.  If you merely want to use yoga as a chick hang-out to dress up with your girlfriends and play “he said, she said”, a lot of girls do that. 

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You can even get Guru Singh to tell you that everything is going to better tomorrow.  Kundalini yoga teacher training level 1 teachers that everything is going to be better tomorrow.  However think about what the possibilities could be if safe harbors for sincere male yoga practitioners were opened up today in the yoga world. 

Why does the Age of Aquarius have to promise the fall of patriarchy in order to turn over power to women?  What about shared power?  What about men and women coexisting in yoga classes?  What if there was a new safe harbor opened up for men who just wanted to practice kundalini yoga?  Such men could be screened for the authenticity of their yogic intentions and gradually introduced into the Yoga West community without causing any disruption to the status quo.  Such diversity would strengthen and actually improve the yoga experience of women yoga students by having a few men in such a kundalini yoga safe harbor for men.

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Paid Safe Harbor 

The new reformed church of Kundalini-Sikhism shall provide a safe harbor for male yoga students who have paid for Level 1 Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training.  This legally protected safe harbor will be a love and forgiveness zone.  Any men who have paid the $4,000 required for Yoga West tuition and requisite white togs & turbans shall be allowed to practice Kundalini with kindness. 

Love and Forgiveness

An important component of emotional recovery is love and forgiveness.  Once you love and forgive everyone, you lose the need to go out and find love.  Being interconnected to everyone and yet dependent upon no one, means that you no longer have to post online personal ads for love and companionship.  Once you find the love and forgiveness that was always there in your heart, you don’t need to go looking for a Sunday sermon social fix or even a yoga class. 

Nothing Happens Tomorrow

If you want to make yourself feel good with a Utopian ideal that everything will be better when the Age of Aquarius arrives, then you can do that.  However isn’t that just as useless as believing in an old school fire and brimstone sky god?  Nothing is going to change between women and men when the Age of Aquarius arrives tomorrow so wouldn’t it be better to just allow men a safe harbor to practice yoga in today?  Practice emotional recovery by being kind so some guy who was brave enough to walk into a yoga.

By Dean McAdams

Born a poor peckerwood in Tujunga, CA, Dean mastered secrets of the ancient grifters in order to elevate himself.