My father’s passing was the healing journey of self-discovery that I always knew would result from my grief. I was set free. I am the lost child and I finally had to grow up. One lifestyle died and another was born. My life is being reborn in this blog.
Some of the energy that went into creating this blog is a result of the healing grief that resulted from the passing of my parents. It is much easier to see my parents objectively now that their lives are closed and the accountings are in writing. My parents were very creative people and they passed this gift on to me. My mother and father were always creating and using new mediums and technology. When I was a kid I played trumpet and guitar, was on the swim and track teams, and was experiencing intimacy with girls and boys. My behavior has always been eccentric and outside the norm. It used to bother me being on the outside until I developed my spiritual and emotional awareness. Now I thrive on being in the world but not of it. My intuitive powers are growing hour by hour and I am on the threshold of creating a brand new life. The options of the universe await my design.
When I was five years old my mother bought a set of encyclopedias that included a free incentive gift called a learning machine. The learning machine was just a big plastic reading box that a text roll scrolled over. It only came with one sample demonstration lesson. The learning machine was like an analog tablet. When processing my healing grief at my parents passing I think of the intention behind their actions. I can feel their love and concern for me even now. The world was rapidly evolving and my parents were always doing little things like making sure I was introduced to computers when that technology came into our lives. My parents put many sensible options in front of me and I chose to be a musician. What a wrong choice I made for my life: music. I grieve at my lost youth spent twaddling about on the guitar. Thank God I gave all of that up. In this moment I am processing healing grief for my life and desire for a career in music.
GRIEF is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.
Forced Liberation by the Emotional Catalyst of Grief
My father’s passing was the universe forcing me to liberate myself from my unhealthy emotional over and under dependencies. I had been walking around like a zombie looking for another person to fill the void inside of me. That void was spiritual. My grief was the catalyst that pushed my spiritual practice from my head to my heart and soul. My grief was the emotional catalyst that created a a physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual transformation. I went and found my own God on my own. My mother gifted me with a Catholic education that has served me well. My grief is the cosmic Body of Christ Consciousness.
Grief Ritual Sunday
My grief gives me dignity and power in God, through God, As God. Do you celebrate the Sabbath? Marianne Williamson taught me to celebrate the Sabbath. Ritual celebration of the Body and Consciousness of God is my ultimate liberation. I am truly in this world and definitely not of it. My grief and pain are my dignity and salvation.