Kangen Castelazo Supplemental Insurance Oil

Non-paying and over-bearing financial services confidence man C. Glennie Castelazo called me up the other day and said that he needed an expedited re-branding campaign for Castelazo & Associates.  Glennie promised to pay me later for writing this public relations blog to foist his new Kangen Castelazo Carbonated Snake Oil upon a gullible and unsuspecting public.  Glen is such a great closer that he could sell air to a sea gull. 

Glennie said that in his friend’s opinion, his diversified income streams from selling supplemental disability insurance, Colonial Penn Life Insurance, annuities, media production craft services, and multi-level marketing of Kangen water machines & Ukon turmeric supplements creates buyer confusion.  Huh?  Exactly what does Castelazo & Associates sell, service or supplement?  The answer is a little bit of everything and a whole lot of nothing.  Carlos Glennie Castelazo is a jack-off of all trades and a masturbator of nuns. 

Glad Handing Glennie

C. Glennie requested a quick branding make-over because he was into so many different and seemingly unrelated enterprises.  With a smile on his face and a chuckle in his voice, he stuck out his hand and promised me the moon.  Glennie asked me to do a re-tooling of his entire snake oil product line on spec and then he laughed and said he would check the results online by Googling his own name.  Be careful what you ask for . . . 

kangen castelazo carbonated snake oil

Glennie said that he doesn’t feel that he should limit himself by only marketing supplemental disability insurance to captive audiences of municipal government labor union employees with the County of Los Angeles Department of Social Services. Glen and his grandfather have been ripping-off LACERA for so long that it isn’t even fun anymore. 

Nor does he want to work long hours in SAG/AFTRA IATSE Union Local 80 doing Craft services for Sad Tony’s Catering.  Nay, driving up and down Kanan Dume Road to work on big Hollywood film and television productions on Westward Beach Road in Malibu isn’t as new and exciting as it used to be for Glennie.  Working semi-honest labor as a miscellaneous crew member on Quentin Tarantino movies laying out snacks and drinks for Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt is really hard work.  The hours and locations are not well suited for Glenn now that he is fifty-five years old with a five year-old child at home.   

Glenn says now he just wants to be a stay-at-home Kangen carbonated water machine salesman.  He wants to work from home so he can play with his five year-old son Cruz all day long.  All Glen needed to brand his dreams were these articles promoting his new carbonated supplemental insurance snake oil products that he markets from his stunning home office in scenic Westlake Village, California.  Here I am working away for free writing this free blog for fat cat Castelazo.  All of the over-privileged psychopaths of this world want me to work for free so that they can sit in their beautiful homes counting their money and laughing at me. 

island home westlake village ca

Carbonated Locally With Real Westlake Village Lake Water!

Sitting on his private boat dock and flicking his cigar ashes into the lake Carlos Theodore Glennie Castalazo had a magnificent vision.  He saw himself transforming the Castelazo Supplemental Disability-Retirement Insurance Corporation into the Castelazo Family Friendly Kangen Water Company.  Glenn says that being a stay-at-home Kangen water machine salesman is the easiest money he has ever made in his entire lily-white suburban single-family-residence lifestyle. 

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I was drinking Kangen water long before Glen ever heard about it and I have already been pitched by delusional Enagic Kangen salesmen years ago. I do like the free sales meeting dinners.  Enagic banquet hall sales meeting dinners are catered events that are much more fun than cheap Amway home Tupperware parties.  Enagic meetings are classy affairs with really healthy food that is free for non-members who haven’t taken the bait and become someone else’s down-line subscriber yet.  Selling Enagic and Amway are both like joining motivational religions, they offer tons of support and services for members. It can be like joining a family if you want to take it that deep. You can probably make a few bucks if you want to be the kind of creep that tries to sell shit to your friends and family. 

Glennie says that selling Enagic Kangen water is even easier than selling supplemental tooth-fairy insurance and someday he hopes to be selling Kangen water multi-level marketing franchises to poor villagers living in Africa.  Glenn has even scientifically re-formulated a new carbonated version of Kangen water manufactured locally with genuine Westlake Village Lake water from the beach in front of his beautiful home.  Brew local, sell global. 

kangen castelazo carbonated snake oil

Cruizin’ with the Kid | Child Web Trafficking

I had a dream that Glenn called me up again last night with a new idea to legally change his son’s name to Kangen.  He said that from now on Cruz Castelazo will be known as Kangen Castelazo.  Glenn says that this is to maximize the amount of hours the kid will be able to work on our Kangen Water marketing campaign in case the Department of Child Labor tries to crack down on him.  Now the kid is passive advertising just by changing his name to Kangen Castelazo.  It’s like free advertising.  Now the kid is virtually promoting products 24/7 by virtue of the fact that his new name is Kangen Castelazo!

kangen castelazo

“Kid Kangen Castelazo” – The Miniature Snake Oil King!

The Castelazo’s are a family of natural born supplemental salesmen.  Patriarch Carlos T. Castelazo was a marketing pioneer who started selling supplemental disability insurance to municipal government employee unions like LACERA in the 1960’s.  Carlos Castelazo figured out a way to bribe local union officials to schedule group sales pitches on lunch breaks. Pitching supplemental insurance products to captive City and County employees was like shooting fish in a barrel.  In order to be a good snake oil salesman, you have to be a good snake killer. 

snake killer

IT’S GREEN! | Kangen Castelazo Supplemental Bundled Brand

Marketing Kangen water for Glen Castelazo means integrating water sales into the insurance business.  In other words, now the Castelazo’s package an Enagic Kangen water machine into every insurance policy.  All Castelazo products are now being sold as “The Bundled Brand.”   Most importantly, Castelazo Kangen Carbonated Snake Oil is made fresh locally with real Westlake Lake water in green and pristine Westlake Village, California!

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