LIFESTYLES OF PIMP SPRINGS, CA: The Elusive California Desert Peckerwood

Life in Pimp Springs

My name is Woodrow P. Woods and I am a desert peckerwood living in the trees high above the desert rats. My friends call me Woody and my enemies call me, “Would He?”  As in Would He do this or Would He do that? Would He siphon the gas out of our Bentley?

Peckerwood (or simply wood) is a Southern US slang term for woodpecker. It is used to describe poor rural whites similar to white trash. Originally an ethnic slur, the term has been embraced by a subculture related to prison gangs and outlaw motorcycle clubs.[1][2][3][4] The origin of the word comes from the Southern African-American dialect version of woodpecker circa 1825-1935. Folklore in the 1920s used the word as a symbolic contrast to the blackbird that represented African-Americans.[4][5]

Paralegal Peckerwood

The paralegal profession is now a total rip off due to the economic collapse. The only reason to become a paralegal is to get paid minimum wage to learn how the complex legal system really works. Any legal problem whatsoever from the simplest divorce to first degree homicide requires an attorney. By the time you realize you need an attorney you are already in extreme jeopardy. Without a good attorney you can trust you don’t stand a chance in life. The only reason to become a peckerwood paralegal is to learn how to represent yourself. That way you only have a psycho for a client instead of an uneducated fool.

Desert Woodrat Competition

Anyone living in this desert in August is a desert rat. Or else a high and mighty desert woodpecker like me. The desert peckerwood lives on a diet of desert creeps. The peckerwood has evolved from desert rat into higher woodpecker consciousness. 

Subsidized Peckerwood Housing

My goal is to live my life in an upwardly mobile style which I am not yet accustomed to. The villa I am currently renting for a flat $550/per mo. all utilities included, is nicer than the home I owned in the San Fernando Valley. If I just hang around naked at enough Palm Springs gay pool parties something like that will usually come up. Normally I work myself into a heart attack doing legal secretarial work to eke out a subsistence living in expensive Southern California beach cities but I am tired of all that shit now. Today I prefer to have mature and discriminating gentlemen subsidize my peckerwood standard of living. That’s why I am living in the desert where 30% of the population identifies as gay. Fuck homosexuals, I’m gay for pay and I just want to live on easy street!

The peckerwood “sees” the finished artwork in his raw materials.

The desert peckerwood carves out his existence using his sharp wit and intelligence. Are you laughing yet because I’m cracking up just like Woody the Woodpecker does! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha!

Peckerwood is also used by some prison systems as a generic name for any white supremacist threat group, which has sometimes been a source of confusion.[7]In and out of prison, the peckerwood subculture is most common in California, Texas and the U.S. south and southwest, but less in the midwest and northeast.[4][7]

Wood Wax

Last night an undercover law enforcement agent wanted me to give him yoyo lessons. For $100 an hour I’ll do anything. The problem is if you hang around their little sting operation long enough, you could get busted. The United States Government pays losers like me to keep their little poker game afloat. The Human Trafficking Act provides funding for concerned citizens to set up all manner of creative sting operations designed to look like employment opportunities. Owning and operating my own typing service made me susceptible to doing independent contract typing work for minimum wage. Forget all that now. Now I am a desert peckerwood pecking on greener pastures. 

That’s All Folks!