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The Emotional Disease of Alcoholism

LOVE YOUR LIFE with Randy Mermell.

Now that the pandemic is beginning to wind down I am eager to meet up again with the people who are an important influence in my life. Randy Mermell has been instrumental in my life by leading transformational 12 Step meetings in Culver City and Marina del Rey. It was an inspiration to listen to his podcasts about the emotional disease of alcoholism. Mr. Mermell has inspired and motivated me to discuss and share some of the many miracles of recovery that God as graciously bestowed upon me.

I am powerless over alcohol-my life has become unmanageable.

I used to interpret the First Step as meaning that my life has become unmanageable because of alcohol, and that once I recovered from alcoholism my life would become manageable again. However now I understand that my life is just unmanageable. Unmanageable due to my emotional imbalance.

My life was unmanageable before I drank. Life was definitely unmanageable during my drinking career. But now that I have been sober for 17 years, my live is still unmanageable when powered by me, and that is why I must turn my will over to my Higher Power. When I let God’s will run my consciousness, my life is manageable. When I run my life on my own self will, my life becomes immediately unmanageable.

The unmanageability factor never leaves my life

This unmanageable factor is also referred to as untreated alcoholism or being on a dry drunk. The unmanageability of my life caused me to walk around in a state of constant emotional pain. You can see the pain in my face in almost every photograph of me at various stages of my life. People would remark about my pain, saying things like: “Dean is a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.” They had good reason to say that. However, thanks to doing a lot of my work on myself, I now see where I got my explosive nature from. It all comes down to family of origin work. Step 8 teaches me that I have received violent emotional twists, below the level of consciousness. By re-opening these old emotional wounds, I am able to reprogram them using eye movement desensitizing and reprogramming. I am probably one of the most broken individuals ever to come this far in recovery and healing. Prior to this point I didn’t talk that much in 12 Step meetings, however now I think that maybe God wants me to open up a little bit more in meetings.

randy mermell

By Dean McAdams

Born a poor peckerwood in a Tujunga holler, Dean overeducated himself beyond his social station to end up a retired paralegal in the coastal paradise of West L.A.