What Causes Rat Brainism?
Waking up from a sixty year dream I came to the realization that I am really Deputy Festus Van Rat Brain from the old Gunsmoke TV series. Like deadbeat Rip Van Winkle who fell asleep for twenty years so he could skip the American Revolution. Festus Van Rat Brain went into a self-induced coma to deny reality.
According to Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder Bill Wilson, alcoholics suffer from “violent emotional twists below the level of consciousness” and this is the reason that they self-anesthetize with their drug of choice. In other words rat brains are created by their care givers. Rat brain alcoholic parents create broken drug addicted children. By analyzing my dad’s negative thinking I can heal my own broken thinking with love and forgiveness. Now I can see that my entire personality is just one big fucked-up defense mechanism.
Self-Abnegation Means Rat Brain Self-Denial
My dad was a gambler but probably only a periodic alcoholic. Gamblers and alcoholics suffer from self-abnegation. At one time I had a Primetime AA sponsor who spotted this in me but she was unable to articulate the term self-abnegation. During our conversation I came up with the notion that I was in general denial (general denial is a legal term). Now a few years later I can articulate that I was suffering from the self-denial of self-abnegation. Alcoholism is a self-identified, self-inflicted disease.
My Dad’s Application of Self-Denial Was To Play Dumb
My dad’s defense mechanism was to pretend that he did not understand what you said and so that means that you are stupid. He taught his children to be assholes. Only by becoming aware of this can I change it. This is the perfection of the 4th, 5th and 6th Steps. I identify my tendency to belittle others with subtle mind games. Then I become entirely ready to have God remove my assholism. The genius that the 12 Steps adds to transformational practice is that I must become “entirely ready to have God remove” my rat brain thinking in order to recover from alcoholism.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Rat Brains Need Meetings To See Their Defects
We need AA Meetings so that we can see our rat brainism mirrored in others in our same predicament. By getting feedback I am just now seeing that I lapse into my grandfather’s Texas drawl when I am trying to be creative. How embarrassing for me to just now realize this in my old age. Glen Castelazo said that during my Agoura Hills days I carried myself like a 1940’s actor. I see that now. Working as the caretaker on the 26 acre Villa Esperanza estate I was muttering and drawling like Festus Van Rat Brain. My hillbilly persona was all sub-conscious. All I had to do was wake up like Rip Van Winkle and I am in new character.
Blogging As Treatment For Alcoholism
These blogs are me talking at a Primetime AA Meeting. However instead of getting into my gas hogging van and driving three hours through L.A. commuter traffic I am treating my disease at home with God Consciousness. I am in an epiphany of personal transformation that would be difficult to attain in an AA meeting. Even Primetime AA would probably not bring out this much productivity in me. Instead of talking in meetings I meditate for hours and then write these meeting blogs for rat brains like Jeremy at Dunsmore. Most importantly I don’t feel like putting money into the AA 7th Tradition basket. Here, have this rat brain meme instead . . . .