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This morning while meditating I turned my sex life and sex will over to the care of God as part of my spiritual health practice. I have acquired all of the sexual karma I need from both men and women and now it is time to burn off all of my karma by right action. My spiritual health will remain stagnate until I stop my gay promiscuity. Gay sex seems off center and bad emotional energy to me now. I’m not saying I will never have gay or bisexual relations again I am saying I am sick of flash sexual encounters with men.
The purpose of this article is to tell Astrid Howe that she really opened my eyes nine years ago by asking me the question: “Did you pray and ask if it was God’s will for you to go down to Palm Springs and be gay?” Of course I immediately lied and said “Yes I prayed.”
I hate it when that big assed bitch is right. New Year’s Eve 2013 when I was feeling really lonely in the middle of a group of naked homosexuals at a pool party in Palm Springs I thought of the women I had been hanging out with in Los Angeles Alcoholics Anonymous. I felt like I would rather just hang out at Starbuck’s with some cool Primetime AA woman than get off with guys.
Celibacy is Spiritual Health
For the past few years God has been telling me that gay is not the main event. Gay is a nice little diversion but in the long run homosexuality is kind of a dead end. Queer life just doesn’t provide the same social gratification as mainstream culture. Even in totally hip mainstream hang outs like Santa Monica and Hermosa where the minority of gays are openly mixed in with the majority of straights, gay is just queer.
For the past few months I have been having sex with bisexual men because I am feeling done with queer libido. It is just boring and one dimensional now compared to simply hanging out with women in yoga class. Being around women in kundalini yoga class reminds me that I need feminine energy to balance out my masculine life force. I am transmuting my homo energy back into hetero. I am going back to being a social public heterosexual and private enjoyer of sex with quality men sometimes but they have to be my age or older now. I liked gay sex better when it was in the closet.
Spiritual Health Tips:
Homosexuality and spirituality are both totally learned behaviours. Many spiritual giants teach that homosexuality is an illusion and they are probably correct.
Whatever homosexuality is: You don’t become like the people you hang out with you already are the people you hang out with. What you are doing right now is who you really are. And who I really am. In this precious moment, this precious mind: I am a celibate man of God.