What Comes Next After Spirituality and Unconditional Love? Simply Being Awake


being awake


Spiritual Experience

vs. Being Awake


I invite you to my meditation practice and being awake with Rev. Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith on Sunday mornings at 6:25 a.m., Agape International Spiritual Center, 5700 Buckingham Parkway, Culver City, CA 90230.

This Sunday November 8, 2015, I will be in the desert. I will therefore be attending by live streaming, or, love streaming, the meditation and dharma talk on If you find anything of value on this website please complete the energy cycle by supporting the valuable world wide spiritual community resource known as Agape.


Being awake is to be fully present for unadorned reality.  This present mind, this present moment. Being awake is pure consciousness.  I begin and end with consciousness.  If I fall asleep and start becoming the illusion called Dean McAdams then I simply meditate back into pure consciousness again. I fall asleep by becoming Dean and I wake up by becoming pure consciousness with no form again. 


I am good enough. I exist and experience gratitude for my existence. I am grateful for the gift of life that lives within me.


It is easier for me to be awake as pure consciousness at home and during practice in my spiritual community than it is for me to be awake in my Primetime AA community. This is my issue and my work that needs to be done.  It is never about anybody else. I came to Primetime AA a broken man and found my awakening.

Now I am responsible for demonstrating and reflecting my recovery from alcoholism, recovery from my separation from God, recovery from falling asleep.  I am responsible for being awake and demonstrating that I am awake. I need to give back to AA to complete the energy cycle. If I just walk away from Primetime AA without giving back I am a taker.  To be fully awake is to complete the circuit of illumination by returning my transformed awakened energy. Now I have to go out and do it two or three times a week in AA after not going to AA for a few years. 

My encounter with people just like me, my AA brothers and sisters, is my mirror that awakens me.  After years of devoted meditation practice I am now able to see the details of how I see myself reflected in the androgynous soul mirrors of my brothers and sisters.  When I see something in someone else I am really just seeing my attention reflected back to me. If I feel love I am really softening and opening to my own love. If I hate you for being an overly feminine homosexual then I can find that feminine aspect of myself that needs to be addressed and healed. 

In the past when women would cry from the AA podium it would cause me discomfort be a problem for me.  It is a spiritual axiom that if I have a problem with something it is my problem.  My problem was that I wanted to be the submissive human being crying from the podium.  In my eccentric doing-ness of elitist advanced Primetime AA recovery I pursued emotion based treatment modalities.  I practiced Core Energetics in Santa Monica with sexologist Paul McDuff and Ann Bradney.  I learned how to feel.  I learned how to really feel love and emotion. It was as if I was re-born in 2010 and felt the gush of love for the first time.  I cried alone simply as a healing modality and it worked. Crying worked really good as a healing method. 

I embraced and embodied my rage and hatred. I screamed it out in the CE class exercises and in the spacious & semi-sound proof luxury of the single family residence McDuff and I were renting at the time. I woke up to my petty emotional smothering and despondency. I saw how my mother and father took me as far as they could with their emotional tool kits and how the rest was now up to me.  That was five years ago and I am re-awakening to that moment today.  I re-awaken to my power and magic with women and men and life. 


Being Awake With These Words


My return gifting to my community is also demonstrated by these words. If you are searching and seeking perhaps you will find these words of awakening from mere spiritual experience. Experience does not last. Awakening is for right now. I must re-awaken every time I fall back asleep again. 

What if I can’t get sober in regular AA? Then try Primetime AA because it is different. The gift of recovery requires a lot of work. It takes a long time for me to rebuild my character in Primetime AA. I must rebuild my new character without reference to the old character. This was a tough one for me. I kept wanting to stress the achievements of my past, my papers and credentials. Ha! My papers and credentials of my ego are not my character. The assemblage of my ego machinations is my human doing-ness.  My character reveals how asleep or how awake I am. If I come to Primetime AA and completely rebuild my character I can wake up. I wake up to reality.  


Being Awake in Spiritual Community


The road to awakening is paved with spiritual experience and unconditional love. Waking up is easier if there are other awakened souls around you. Is my community awake? We become like the people with associate with the most. Who is your teacher?  My meditation teacher is Joel S. Goldsmith. Goldsmith passed in 1964 and his consciousness lives on through his tape recordings.

Am I Being Awake in My Larger, Social Community?


Am I awake or am I looking for someone to complete me?  What if I go out into my tribe reflecting completeness and wholeness?