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HOW REAL YOGI’S DO IT: How to Squat For The Perfect Bowel Movement

Mastering The Perfect Bowel Movement

This morning my bowel movement was so perfect everything came out in one long piece and landed in the toilet bowel in the perfect U-shape of my lower intestine.  It felt better than sex because after the endorphin rush I was energized instead of depleted.  Everything came out so perfect that my rectum was clean afterwards and only very small fecal matter too small for expulsion came out during my enema.  It was like a religious experience.  Kundalini yogi’s have to wear lots of white clothing to this happy, healthy and holy.  I get the same exhaled state of being from a good bowel movement. 

One Long Flowing Movement

Instead of snapping my external sphincter shut I have learned to hold loose and open for the duration.  I pumped several times as everything moved in one smooth long opening.  The amount of energy used is amazing.  It is like a workout lifting weights.  Seeing your bowel movement come out in the shape of your lower intestine is an enlightening experience.  The first time I saw my stool in a perfect U-shape, I realized that my lower intestine is smaller than I imagined it.

Dawn of Creation

Once or twice a month I am mesmerized by observing my perfect bowel movements sitting there in the toilet bowl in the perfect U-shape of my lower intestine.  What a magnificent creation.  It feels exquisitely empowering to master the art of the perfect bowel movement.

Root Chakra

My interest in the perfect bowel movement even includes Fourth Chakra work to properly expel emotional waste products.  It is important to expel both physical and emotional waste products for optimal health and well being.  Enlightenment is a process of dropping the rock.  By dropping our egoic shit we are able to let the God in. 

Allen Ginsberg and Jim Carroll

My quest for the perfect squatting position is also inspired by the Jim Carroll memoirs, Forced Entries.  In the final symbolic scene Mr. Carroll finally pops pops the abscess in his arm caused by shooting heroin.  This takes place at the end of a reading by the poet Allen Ginsberg in New York.  Jim Carroll describes Allen Ginsberg as “sitting up there on stage like a man who knows how to take a proper shit.”  Those words have been rolling around in my head for thirty years.  Our lives are greatly influenced by the people we know and the books we read.

Yoga West Complaint

When I was living in my van and practicing Kundalini yoga at Yoga West I would often have an incredible bowl moment there at 6:45 a.m on Mondays and Wednesdays before Dr. Pam Davis’ Tantra Class.  My complaint is that there is no hot water to wash my hands with at Yoga West.  This is not very happy, healthy or holy.  Kundalini yogis were taught by Yogi Bhajan to be happy, healthy and holy.  They should start by upgrading to modern hot water facilities at Yoga West.  Wearing white is rather superficial compared to keeping really clean and save with hot hot water.  What if some little kid gets cut on his little knife and there is no hot water for cleaning and bandaging?  

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