In 1990 director Barry Levinson made a heart wrenchingly beautiful semi-autobiographical film about family and technology-influenced alienation called Avalon. Levinson uses the televised Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as a linear emotional-visual anchor to reel in the years. In the last sequence the main character, now old and alone, is watching the parade on tv while eating his Thanksgiving tv dinner on a tv dinner tray in his darkened living room.


I will be old and alone this Thanksgiving but I will not be using technology for emotional or pseudo emotional gratification. I will be making love with God by hanging out in nature as usual, at the beach or the desert, and I want to eat turkey at Boston Market this year. My T Day family scene began diminishing as my parents and their parents began passing on years ago. All things must pass.

Thanksgiving gratitude

I got used to Thanksgiving alone when I was with Dr. Allen because I don’t like the East in cold weather. Thirty-five degrees on Thanksgiving morning in New Orleans made me angry, depressed and psychotic. Why were we hanging out in NOLA with the family he abandoned so that he could be gay in LA? I will not be watching any parades or sporting events on my mobile devices. I won’t be hanging out with people I don’t want to hang out with. I’ll be emotionally meditating somewhere in my private universe hanging about with God.  

Thanksgiving meditation

This Thanksgiving I am grateful for giving up the tv habit a couple of decades ago. I am also thankful that I do not have an online social or sexual life. I only have an online publishing life. I am grateful for my new chaste Kundalini Yogi lifestyle.

Huntington Beach pier

Huntington Beach Pier

When I walk on the pier, the boardwalk or restaurant row, I never have my phone out. I’m feeling energy. I’m feeling and moving human energy in real life, real time. The kaleidoscope of Huntington Beach glimmering in the bright November afternoon is visual therapy for my eyes, brain and emotions. I drink in the warm colors and smiling faces.



I want to feel life. I want to feel you. I want to feel me, squeeze me, love me. I want feel life and love and everything in-between. My new celibate lifestyle allows my new clear energy to read you and feel you on the pier and on the beach in the surf. I’m a pansexual Yogi making love to the entire world and all the people in it.

Pansexual love 

By Dean McAdams

Born a poor peckerwood in a Tujunga holler, Dean overeducated himself beyond his social station to end up a retired paralegal in the coastal paradise of West L.A.